A short 9.5 months ago, we found out my father-in-law had pancreatic cancer. In those short months he fought a hard...won some battles...but wasn't able to win the war. On April 13th, surrounded by his family, he left his earthly home. He was a man of great strength and character, of honor and integrity. He worked hard for everything he ever did and he instilled a work ethic in his children that rivals his own. He was a man who loved his family fiercely and was beyond proud of his children and grandchildren. He was a respected member of his community and made an impact wherever he went.
I would described what I'm feeling as "emotional waves". One minute the waves are minimal and I'm are able to catch my breath. The next minute, the waves are overwhelming and I'm left sputtering at the surface, trying to breathe. Through it all, the LORD has stood with us and given us His strength when we need it. He has come in the form of family and friends and neighbors who have so graciously stepped up and been with us. Who have stood and shouldered our grief when we felt it would consume us. Our waters are deep right now and the waves are strong. But, my God is stronger and steadier and walking with us. God has never left us this entire time. I know that He grieves with us but is rejoicing to have brought my FIL home to heaven. Through this entire roller coaster, Christ has walked with us every step of the way. He has given us His strength when we couldn't dig deep enough to find our own. He has stood with us when and where we needed Him. Whether that was behind us to encourage us, in front of us to protect us, or beside us holding us up. Christ has never wavered, never stumbled, never backed down.
As I sat in my in-laws home, surrounded by so much love, I knew I needed to write something. I needed to let some of my love and grief out. So I decided to write a poem to hopefully express how my my FIL meant to me and just how much I would miss him. He was never a man to wear his heart on his sleeve but he always let me know I was part of the family. Never once was I anything but another one of his kids. I was blessed to have him be a part of my life for over 20 years. So...here is what I wrote.
How Do You Say Goodbye?
How do you say goodbye to someone you love so much?
Someone who provided years of strength and guidance and love.
How do you say goodbye to a man who’s smile was bigger than life?
A man who poured his heart out to his grandkids and kids and wife.
How do you say goodbye to someone who could do just about anything?
Someone who could ride and rope and who was one hell of a friend.
How do you say goodbye to a man who’s laugh we will always hear?
A man who was so proud of his kids, who held 12 grandbabies over the years.
How do you say goodbye when your heart has shattered into pieces?
When the world you knew and the life you knew,suddenly ceases.
How do you say goodbye when goodbye is so hard to say?
No, we won’t say goodbye, instead we’ll just see you again another day.
Thank you for your love and your laughter and for your smile through the years. Thank you for helping to raise the amazing man I was blessed to marry. Thank you for welcoming me into the family and making me feel like I was one of your own. Thank you for being such a huge influence and supporter of our kids. They loved you so much and enjoyed all the time they spent with you and Grandma. You have left such a huge hole our hearts. We rejoice knowing you are now pain free, but our hearts ache at the loss of your presence. We will miss you dearly…until we see you again.
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