You ever find yourself having moments...some good and some bad? Moments where you’re so far in your head with doubts and struggles and insecurities that you couldn’t find your way out if you tried. A moment where Satan has wormed his way into your mind and taken up residency. Sometimes these moments are fleeting and last mere seconds. Sometimes they come and go...a couple minutes here, a day or two there. Maybe it feels less like a moment and more like a life sentence. No matter the length of time, all are equally crippling and feel like an eternity.
I found myself in a moment today. Doubting myself and my abilities as a wife and mother. Feeling like a failure as daughter in Christ. These are familiar feelings that I’ve had a lot of in different seasons of my life. I’m not always the best mom. Sometimes we have days where drama plays a big role. The 3 year olds socks don’t match {insert waterworks}. One child tells their sibling they smell like rotten eggs {insert whining}. Another one brings homework home {oh the horror}. The dog’s digestive issues actually make her smell like rotten eggs {no one wins}. I get frustrated, I yell more than I should, I get impatient, and I see hurt and disappointment all over my children’s faces. Queue mommy guilt. It’s a real thing people.
I’m not always the best wife. I’m moody and snarky and demanding and have a habit of slipping my cold toes over to him as soon as we crawl in bed. I can’t help it...the man’s a human furnace. I’m not at a heathy weight. I can’t stand to look at myself in the mirror. How can my husband be attracted to me? How can I be an example to my kids? All those “skinny” moms who look amazing in anything from a black garbage bag to a little black dress are surly talking about me {insert eye roll}. I don’t like myself, why would they?
All these thoughts and doubts and hurts and fears are multiplied by the evil manipulation of Satan. When I get busy and walk away from my relationship with God, I open the door for Satan to waltz into my mind. He is a master at his craft and will play on our weaknesses and areas that we feel we are failing. He delights in our hurt. Our God does not. John 10:10 reads, “The thief (Satan) comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I (Jesus) have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” It’s been my pattern to walk away from Christ lately. Walk away feeling unworthy of His love. But, that’s just the devil and his schemes, not my Fathers. To my Father, I am worthy and loved and enough. I am redeemed and cherished and I am a freaking princess! My Heavenly Father is a KING, the KING!
Today, I put my foot down and told Satan to go back to hell where he belonged. I, in this new moment, turned back to my Father. Through music I found Jesus’ outstretched hand and remembered who I am. I was standing in my kitchen, making supper for my family and began to listen to Lauren Daigle {She’s my jam!}. With eyes closed, arms raised above me, swaying to the time of the music, I found my comfort. It was in this moment my little girl says to me, “Mom, why are your eyes closed?” I open them to see she has mirrored my actions but with a puzzled look on her face. “Open your eyes Momma, so you can see.” Leave it to me to complicate things more than they need to be. Jesus is saying the same things to us all the time. We all get lost in our moments. Whether they’re moments of trial or triumph, we get so caught up in life we can’t see what’s right in front of us. Now don’t get me wrong. I think its ok to close our eyes in those moments. In those moments, pray these lyrics from Here’s My Heart by Lauren Daigle, “Here’s my heart, Lord. Here’s my heart, Lord. Speak what is true.” Then, take a deep breath, open your eyes and witness God’s design for you. Because, YOU are worthy and loved and enough and redeemed and cherished and royalty! You are a child of God!
Blessings...
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